Time really messes me up. I keep writing May on paperwork, and I keep getting confused with the numbers 9 and 5.

Jon has been gone for nine months. Not ten months, as I’ve written before.

I wonder why I keep doing this? Is this evidence of the denial that keeps me sane? Because I know I’m wading in that river, not willing to get out.

I’m not ready for him to be gone yet.