Jonathan…

I have kept myself busy with errands lately. It keeps me sane to know I have things to do. But soon, those errands will be done. I won’t have much to do with my time but miss you.

I was just thinking about the very early moments into our romantic relationship. I went with my mother to California, and I called you the moment I got there. We were “just friends”, but you had asked me to call, to keep you updated. It was nice to hear your voice. 🙂 That was nearly 5 years ago. It seems like forever, but it wasn’t long enough.

I remember the away you made me feel those days. I felt beautiful. I felt desirable. I felt wanted. It was so nice. After the bad marriage I had managed to escape, your attention and concern was like cool water in the desert. You refreshed me. You made me believe in myself, like no one ever has. You always had faith in me, and what I could become.

Today, I missed you. I miss you always, but today, I woke up in less of a fog than I have been. I woke up realizing that you are not here. You will not be here. And I will not see you again for a long long time. How can I? Our girls need me right now. They needed you too, but they cannot survive without at least one of us.

I continue my life because of them. Because you would have wanted me to fulfill my destiny, however meek and small it may be. I want to see my girls graduate high school. I want to seem them marry and have children. I want to hold my grandchildren.

I want to do those things with you by my side. I know, regardless of how I much I want, that you will not get to do those things. Those memories will be made in your absence, and although you will be watching from Glory, it is simply not the same.

Tomorrow, it will be two weeks. Two weeks since I last saw the twinkle in your eye. Two weeks since I last felt your warm and sweet caress over my skin.

I miss you, my love. My heart is parched for you.

-Maria

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